I'll just kill 'em all
by who the fuck is jessica lange
Summary: A one-shot that picks up immediately after Fiona's disappointing encounter with Papa Legba.


Joe watched from the corner as the Haitian diety embraced Fiona. A strange sense of stillness filled the room as he waited for the two to finally break apart.

"The deal is off," stated Papa calmly, taking a step back.

Fiona's expression turned tense with confusion. "Why?" she whispered.

"You have nothing to sell. You have no soul." He explained simply, before dissolving into the darkness.

Joe's mouth twisted in disappointment as he watched the blonde attempt to regain her composure, wiping hazily at the tears that had begun to roll down her face.

He emerged slowly from the corner of the room, setting himself down in the Queen Anne chair opposite her as she let out a sigh. "Bum luck, baby. No sale?" he smiled softly.

"Ha," she breathed, "I'll get my immortality," she insisted, tapping the rolled hundred-dollar bill sharply against the table.

Joe reached for her cigarettes, removing one from the case. "All we gotta do is find the young girl who's taking you down," he stated, lighting the cigarette between his lips.

"Haven't you heard?" Fiona sneered, leaning forward. "I have no soul."

He watched her blonde hair fall over her features as she bent down over the silver hand mirror.

She inhaled a line of the fine white powder in a single sniff, before flying backward into her chair and breathing in what was left of it in her nose.

Joe let out a small laugh, amused at her fast recovery after such a disappointing encounter.

She smiled, exhaling loudly. "I'll just kill 'em all."

"Hmm," he hummed, leaning forward, "I don't doubt it. You never were one to drag your feet."

She gazed at him, gently batting her eyes as she felt her heart begin to race and a wave of warmth spread through her entire body.

"You know," she began gently, rising from her chair and gliding slowly over to where Joe was seated, "When I think back, there were times I felt as if someone were watching me."

He placed his large hands around her hips as she lowered herself onto his lap, wrapping her long arms around his shoulders and neck. "With invisible eyes…" she smiled softly into his ear.

"Mmm," he considered softly as he gently slid his hands up into the curve of her waist. "Never," he teased, pulling her closer into him.

Fiona pouted. "Didn't you _want_ me…" she purred, sliding her palms along the tops of his legs.

His eyes closed as he exhaled slowly, allowing his head to roll backwards slightly.

"Didn't I make you _happy_…" she cooed, smiling knowingly into his neck as her hands reached his centre and she felt him stiffen beneath her.

"I think you know the answer to that, baby," he breathed.

She raised her eyebrows, gripping him fiercely.

He grunted loudly and swiftly grabbed her wrists, pulling them up from his lap.

She rolled her head backwards and placed her mouth lightly against his. "I want you to _tell_ me," she whispered into his mouth.

A grin spread across Joe's face who remained silent.

She freed her wrists from his tight grip and lifted her body off of his, slowly pacing backwards towards the bed as she played with the neckline on her black silk slip.

Once next to it, she carefully lowered herself onto the duvet, using her legs to push her further into its centre. Smiling, she leaned back and lifted the bottom of her gown over her knees. Slowly, she separated her long, slender legs, sliding a hand down the inside of her thigh and resting the other on her abdomen. She reclined fully, letting her head fall to one side as she smiled at Joe, who remained seated in the centre of the room.

Grinning, he rose to his feet and made his way toward her, his heavy footsteps echoing through the otherwise silent room.

Once at the bed, he slowly reached for her knees with his hands.

Suddenly, in the blink of an eye, she disappeared before him.

He took an involuntary step back from the now empty bed, his eyes darting from one side of it to the other as his brain tried to process her sudden disappearance.

"Tell me," she whispered suddenly into his ear from behind him. He spun to face her but she had vanished as quickly as she had appeared.

A giggle escaped her mouth as she watched him, now from the doorway of the room, and he spun again in surprise. He started after her but she was too quick, dissipating once more into thin air.

"Ah, ah, not so fast," she teased, now seated in the centre of the room, her red nightgown spread wide open, revealing the black slip underneath that hugged her body. "First, I wanna to hear you say it," she instructed, pointing a slender finger at him.

He took a step forward. "Come here and I'll show you," he grinned, grabbing lightly at his front.

She smiled, disappearing once more before he could take another step, this time reappearing against the bedroom's rear wall.

Her eyes searched the room for him when she saw that he too had vanished.

A smile crept across her face as she turned her head, searching the area around her. "You know, that's cheating," she stated loudly, taking a few small steps forward. "You know I can't sneak around like you can."

She froze as a floorboard to the right of her creaked. "Hmm," she scoffed, "But you're about as quiet as a heard of elephants."

She stood motionless, silently awaiting his reappearance. "Oh, come on. Now you're just being stubborn," she smiled.

Suddenly, something grabbed a hold of her arms and she let out a gasp before Joe finally materialized in front of her. She gave a small cry as he slammed her backwards against the wall and pinned her wrists to either side of her face, pressing his lips firmly against hers. She laughed into his mouth, her warm, sweet breath tickling his lips, before jumping onto him and wrapping her legs tightly around his waist.

Keeping all of her physical attention on Joe, she waved a finger at the record player situated in the corner of the room, the walls vibrating violently as 'In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida' began to strum loudly.

With her entire body pressed firmly against his, she used some of the energy coursing through her to spin them both around against the wall before sliding them up the height of it in a rush of incredible power.

She felt Joe grab hold of her waist tightly as they began to roll along the rigid wood paneling of the wall with such speed and energy that the portraits that hung in the room were shaken from their hooks and sent shattering to the floor.

They both grunted simultaneously as their bodies slammed into the corner, Fiona quickly turning her attention to the task of ripping off Joe's suit jacket before she began to claw at the buttons on his shirt.

Her focus was diverted, however, as Joe slid his hand up the inside of her thigh and began to caress her centre with his fingers, now wet with excitement.

"Ugh," she exclaimed, as he squeezed her pulsating mound tightly with the whole of his hand. Her breathing became audibly heavier as her chest heaved up and down rapidly. "Jesus," she whispered.

With his free hand, Joe gripped her breast, kneading it with his large palm as she moaned softly with pleasure.

No longer willing to hold back, she pushed his hand out from between her legs and grabbed a hold of his neck, lifting herself higher up his waist.

He let out a grunt as she gripped his now engorged member, guiding him towards her entrance.

Fiona inhaled sharply as he slid himself inside of her, her strong thighs clamping down around his hips. Grasping the back of his shirt tightly, she began to grind against him, quickly finding her rhythm.

He buried his face into her neck and began to suck at her warm skin before she spun them both around once more and threw their bodies against the ceiling, which Joe's back met with a loud thud.

On the floor below, the students of Miss Robichaux's Academy looked up from the dining table towards the ceiling.

"What was that?" asked Zoe, glancing at Cordelia.

"Hopefully Fiona trying to spare us all the trouble and finally necking herself," quipped Madison, swallowing another spoonful of her soup.

Queenie scoffed. "Yeah, that's gunna happen."

Another loud bang vibrated through the house as the two lovers dropped from the ceiling to the floor, smashing the Queen Anne table underneath them.

"Jesus Christ!" swore Fiona, reaching up to grab her now throbbing head. She removed her hand and examined the blood that dotted her fingertips. "Ugh," she frowned, wiping it off onto Joe's white shirt.

"You okay, baby?" asked Joe, grabbing her head gently with his hand.

"Shut up," she breathed, grabbing his face between her hands and pressing her mouth to his.

With the slightest amount of effort, she rolled on top of him and placed her hands firmly against his stomach. He took hold of her hips as she began to gyrate slowly, a deep moan emanating from her now outstretched throat.

She opened her eyes and stared up at the chandelier above her as it began to tremble; it's crystals filling the room with a soft celestial chime.

The walls shook violently from what Fiona could only presume was the sexual power she felt pulsing out of her body, a rare phenomenon that she had only experienced once or twice before in her entire lifetime.

Her eyes fell closed involuntarily as her entire body pulsed with pleasure.

No longer able to hold back, Joe's body stiffened, releasing his pleasure into Fiona's warmth.

Seconds later, he felt her tighten around him before her entire body went ridged, her red mouth falling open as she let out a breathy, ragged cry.

Denying the pair any opportunity to recover, the crystal chandelier that hung above them broke loose from its fixture, it's electrical wiring sliding out through the fitting in the ceiling, guiding it downward.

The sound of plaster breaking alerted Fiona, who craned her neck backwards and looked up at the chandelier now hurtling toward her and her lover.

With an astonishingly swift wave of her hand, she sent Joe and herself flying in opposite directions across the room, their bodies slamming into the walls behind them.

Not half a second later, the enormous crystal chandelier met with the ground, shattering into a thousand pieces and sending tiny shards of glass flying across the floor in every direction.

Downstairs, the young witches' conversation came to a halt as they looked up at the ceiling once again, confused as to what Fiona was doing that could cause such a commotion.

"Seriously, _what_ is gong on up there?" Madison questioned, dropping her spoon back into her bowl of soul.

Myrtle remained unfazed, placing her cigarette holder between her lips and reaching for the box of matches that sat in front of her. "Who knows, dear?" she began, "perhaps she's redecorating."

"I'm gunna see what's going on," Zoe stated, sliding her chair out from under the table.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," interjected Nan.

Zoe turned to face her. "Why not?" she questioned.

"Because she's got a _man_ up there," stated Nan, raising her eyebrows suggestively.

Queenie snickered loudly.

"Wait, what? But she's so _old_," balked Madison.

"How do you know?" challenged Zoe, gazing inquisitively towards the ceiling.

"Because I can _hear_ them," Nan began, "they're _really_ loud," she added.

"That's disgusting," grimaced Madison, glancing at Cordelia from across the table.

"I think it's lovely," offered Myrtle, "she's enjoying what little time she has left in this world before her transformation into a member of the walking dead is complete."

Madison scoffed, "She already _is_ a member of the walking dead. Have you seen her without the wig? She's starting to look like Spalding."

Zoe rolled her eyes, "Don't be such a bitch, Madi-"

"Okay, can we please stop discussing my mothers sex life?" interrupted Cordelia, closing her eyes in frustration as the girls finally fell silent.

"Well, shit," exclaimed Fiona breathlessly, taking a step over the enormous brass framed mirror that now lay on top of a heap of its own broken glass. "Look at this place."

She ran her fingers through the front of her hair, combing it out of her face and to one side as she tried to navigate her way across the glass-strewn floor towards her lover on the other side of the room.

He placed his hands around her hips when she finally reached him, tucking a loose piece hair gently behind her ear as her eyes darted across the floor around her.

"Hey," Joe whispered, grabbing hold of her chin gently with his thumb, "you alright, baby?"

"Huh?" she breathed softly, looking up at him with a dazed expression. "Yeah. I'm fine," she waved dismissively.

Joe relaxed. "I knew your body was capable of creating a light show but-"

"Maybe I shouldn't have taken that last hit…" she interjected softly, running her finger underneath the bottom of her nose inadvertently.

"Hmm, I doubt that would have made any difference," he smirked, surveying the room.

Suddenly, a gentle wrapping dissipated the silence, alerting the couple to the presence of someone outside of the bedroom.

"Fiona?" asked Zoe through the door, "Is everything okay in there? We heard a whole load of banging downstairs."

Fiona's eyes darted from the door to Joe, a small grin beginning to tug at the side his mouth. He leaned in to one side of her cheek. "Wanna make a start on those girls?"

He drew back, observing her smile slowly as she glanced back at the door.

"Why not?" she began, her eyes glistening with excitement. "After all - I have no soul."


End file.
